Kyle's Grandma

I was planning to write this blog entry a couple weeks ago, when Kyle turned 4 months old. I was planning to include a new photo album and write about his most recent adventures, including his first flight... on a trip to Florida. But then everything changed. That visit to Florida lasted only one day, as we rushed to North Carolina for what would be our final week with Jennifer's mom and Kyle's grandma.

It all happened so suddenly; I'm still in disbelief. Just a month ago, Neal seemed perfectly healthy. There was some concern when she went to the hospital for emergency surgery, but she was in good spirits after that, and we had every reason to believe she'd make a full recovery. We had no idea then what of was about to happen, and today I just can't believe she's gone.

I've had such a hard time writing this post. I've started it over and over again, and I have found distractions to avoid it. Kyle has helped with that. A lot of times I just want to skip this one and get back to the silly stuff. Neal loved the silly stuff. She was, in fact, my biggest fan. I've been blessed to have had a lot of family and friends write me emails and tell me how much they've enjoyed my blog. Neal wrote me the most. She always would boost my confidence and make me feel good about entries I had thought were just mediocre. I would look forward to getting these emails from her, and many times I'd write a blog entry with her reaction in mind, thinking of how she or Dave (my father-in-law) would take a particular joke. During her last week, as she lay in a hospital bed, she had Dave read her the most recent entry on my DaveWeekly website. She told me how much she liked it during one of our last conversations.

Of course, she didn't read my blogs simply for the jokes. My blog provided Neal with stories about the newest love in her life: her grandson, our little Kyle. Neal reveled in being a grandmother. She had 10 years' experience, with Kyle's cousin Madison. Every time we saw Neal, she would entertain us with a new Madison story. This year gave Neal even more stories, ones about Kyle, which she told all her friends in North Carolina.

Neal was in the car with us when we brought Kyle home from the hospital, and she stayed with us for the rest of that week. She took care of the dishes, the food, and ran all kinds of errands so that Jennifer and I could concentrate on being new parents. We don't know what we would have done without her. In return, she had the honor of being the first person to be squirted by Kyle while checking a diaper.

Neal cherished all the time she had with her new grandson. Whenever she was away she'd talk about suffering from "Kyle withdrawal." We're so grateful that she was able to be with Kyle just two months ago, for his Christening. It might have been "Kyle withdrawal" that motivated Neal to get well enough so that she could move to a regular room at the hospital - just for a day - so she could be with Kyle one more time. These days, I'd like to think that Neal is getting all the Kyle she wants.

This is the second time my family has grieved this year. In May, less than a month before Kyle was born, one of his great-grandmothers, my Memere, passed away. She died on the day of Jennifer's graduation from Law School. My parents were in New York when they received the news. So were Dave and Neal. I will always remember Neal comforting us through our sadness. Shortly after the weekend, she wrote this in an email to me:

Being with you and Bob and Judi this weekend was very special and, I think, strengthened our family bonds. Sharing both happiness and sadness makes a family.

She was right, and those words echoed through my head as our family grew stronger in the days following Neal's passing. Everyone on Dave and Neal's side came to North Carolina to be with us through the visitation and funeral. Many traveled great distances. My parents were also there, and members of my side of the family helped fill the funeral home with flowers. Most of our friends also gave gifts, flowers, or made it there in person. Neal had done it - she brought us all closer together.

Later this week I plan to put a Kyle photo album together and I'll probably go back to writing silly stories, just as Neal would have liked. I will miss her emails, and although I'm certain she'll still be reading my stories, I'm sad thinking that I'll never be able to hear her response again. It's also sad that Kyle won't remember being with her. But thank God that Neal did share a lot of time with her grandson, and she wasn't sick through most of it. She did many things this year, experienced a lot of joy, and shared a tremendous amount of love, especially when the little guy arrived. Neal left us too soon, but she did go after one of the best years of her life. And I suppose we can take some comfort in that.